not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Help. Why am I so naked?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
