11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
