he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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