We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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