I wanna bring you to show and tell
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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