You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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