You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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