i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
