what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
