If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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