I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
