Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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