a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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