You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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