Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
