i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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