Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
