I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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