i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
