Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
