I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
