y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
