i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i've created a new STD.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
