You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
