he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
