Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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