it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
