I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
