I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
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