Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
