is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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