just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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