in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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