I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so explain again why im purple
no
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
