for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
it's great music for shaving your balls
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
