there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
