Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
