Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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