i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
