Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i think my cat just said my name.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
