We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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