You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
