If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
