You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
