Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
