i used baking grease as lip gloss
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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