is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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