omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
