direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
