too bad you live with your parents still
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
