I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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