you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
