she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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