i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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