1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
