3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
